Spoken World

singer-songwriter / sojourner

HOPE (commentary)

like paperweights

in the back of my head

like layers of skin

i wish that i could shed

memories

i wish could be like the dreams

the ones I wake up from

and I forget

Due to the amount of pornography I used to watch, having been introduced to it sometime late in elementary school the habit became worse and worse, I am at times plagued by terribly sexualized nightmares. They are not as frequent as they were seven years ago, thank the Lord, but nonetheless disgusting and undesirable.

but i wake up

and it's all the same

it's hard enough

to make it through some days

just trying to keep

my head on straight

I'm just trying to keep

my head on straight

but I can't and I fall apart

more often than not

i'm okay with that

if it shows you where to start

but i can't keep

those happy thoughts

that keep me off my feet

they all slip past my eyes

before my hands

can even reach

Sometimes it can seem like you are no further ahead of where you have been, or any different. Our attempts at some forced semblance of normalcy bitingly contrary to the reality we all endure and collectively disregard. Lying is just in our nature.

I’m fine.

I’m okay.

What’s up?

Nothing.

However, the more truthful or honest I have been with myself (and especially others) in some sense of (hopefully) respectable disregard of what is considered socially acceptable the more peace I have about my struggles. This reminds me of Pauls resolution in his own struggles:

“But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭12:9-10‬ ‭ESV‬‬

everything's not as it should be

including me

everything's not as it should be

There is no sense in playing at a vainly idealistic sense of self, but since when have we done anything to be considered sensible before the goodness of God? We see how messed up the world is, and yet we fail to admit our own shortcomings because we idolize our own perspective, and we keep it as a standard.

would the child you were

be okay with who you are

are you really content

with all that you settle for

do you really have

everything that you need

when you're faced with death

will you go as confidently

Questions worth asking are rarely spoken.

see that day's coming sooner

than you'll ever know

and you'll stand before the throne

of the One who spoke the words

that encapsulate all you are

meant to be and all you mock

in the end all that matters is

if you're known or if you're not

-

I pray you are

We think we know goodness. We think we know right from wrong. We have a sense of perspective, and although not wholly off, we are far from being holy ourselves.

“But what does it say? "The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart" (that is, the word of faith that we proclaim); because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved. For the Scripture says, "Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame."”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭10:8-11‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Thank God for who Jesus is, what He has done, and what He is still doing.